"Ask me about the time I got into a butt kicking contest with Woody Harrelson. No...maybe it was Woody Allen; yeah, that's it, Woody Allen."
"Beauty is only skin deep . . . but ugly goes to the bone."
"She is obviously a communist."
"These people have no idea just who the hell I am."
"When I retire, I'm going to drink beer and chase fat girls. They don't run very fast."
"My brain is just full of these useless things I will never need to know."
"I thought I was wrong once, but then found out it was a mistake."
"Know what really burns my ass? A little fire about that high."